It's funny how one bad feeling can trigger an avalanche of emotions. Have you ever been there? It happened to me today. I had a thought that created anger in me. One of my clients I thought I had built a rapport with asked me to do a project and they have yet to pay me even though the project has been completed. I trusted someone who obviously lacked integrity. I questioned my decision-making processes. Why did I trust someone instead of making sure I was covered? I know that "the enemy comes to steal, kill and to destroy". My time was stolen, but in my heart I believe God protects us. I should have used wisdom and requested 50% payment upfront and the balance at completion prior to sending the project to my Client.
Another person I considered a friend has shifted their actions towards me without notice or explanation. So here I am having to face my emotions when I really want to be left alone. I don't want to deal with anything EXTRA today. I just want to enjoy this nice Georgia weather and let my life flow like a river! How will I handle it? Well, I sent the invoice requiring payment, we talked since then, promises were made but no follow through. My flesh wanted to pick up the phone again and make demands, but The Lord reminds us that He fights our battles. Those who fight against me, God will fight against them. The "friend" I hoped for has not been accessible which is disappointing because I really value this friendship. When you want something you want it! Even when it's unrealistic, we want what we want. I have to learn to truly trust God when things do not go my way. There are some things that I am like "Okay Lord, You got this!" Then there are other things that I would like to handle myself because somehow in my mind I believe I have the answers. As I am typing this, what is coming to mind is "at the root of anger is fear". What was I afraid of? With my Client I felt as if I was being taken advantage of. With my "friend" I questioned why I am not good enough to pursue a friendship with? It's been difficult to except God wants me to Himself this season. Some days I am like, "Let's roll Jesus!" Other days, I am trying to drag someone along with me. After it's all said and done, I realize it's a spiritual attack. "We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against powers..." I know it was an attack. I felt afraid and in the fear, I became angry because I felt a sense of hopelessness. Hopelessness is not of God. When I feel hopeless it's because something is not going my way and it appears that I have no control over it. I felt myself moving into "demand mode". Making statements like "I need this to happen or else this will happen!" Who am I to question or doubt God? It snowballed...by the next moment I realized an avalanche had taken place. I had rounded up all of my guests for the "pity party" and I could literally see the devil watching me snarling and laughing. I knew I had to recover and it had to be quickly. So, I began to count my blessings and be grateful. An ungrateful heart will always have doubts and fear. The Bible says, "If God be for us, who can be against us?" I have trust God in this season...even in the midst of the avalanche.