About Me

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Atlanta, GA, United States
In this season, I will be sharing my heart.

Friday, February 27, 2015

I Want That Daddy!

At dance class, a little girl came in with her dad and saw another child coloring. He had a boatload of crayons in a really nice container. When she saw the crayons piled high she began to scream over and over, "I want that daddy!" She was normally the quiet one to herself, but when she saw something she wanted she became aggressive, pushy, and loud. The other child practically ignored her because they were his crayons. But she insisted, only to have her dad escort her out. I have seen many women and men meet someone they feel is perfect for them. This person of interest looks and has all of the qualities they have ever dreamed of -- only to find out after pursuing them, this person is not for you. I remember when I first moved to Atlanta. I was determined to become a successful real estate agent. I knew what Broker I wanted to work with. I met other agents. I enrolled in the courses. I spent the time studying, but when it came time to pass the test, I would miss it by a point or two. I took the test 3 times and each time I did not pass. I knew I had studied hard, prayed and did everything I knew to do which was so very frustrating. God had blessed me as an investor, so I thought for sure it was the business to go in to. After a while, I accepted that it wasn't God's will for me to become an agent. I know I would have ended up chasing money instead of chasing God. Just like the little girl, sometimes we demand our way and God being the loving Father He is will work with us because He cares so much. Only to realize it is not a part of His plan. Sometimes God will not allow us to have what we want because we will turn and start worshiping the thing instead of worshiping God. We have to make sure we understand the will of God. We just cannot want things because they are shiny and could be a great way to become rich. Not saying being rich is a bad thing...it's when it becomes our god. A friend of mine said, "Everything that is shiny ain't God!" Yet, I am still learning to be discerning and hold my plans loosely. God knows what is best and I do not want to struggle with God trying to get my way because of something that "seems" to be a "good" thing. Father in the name of Jesus the Christ, help us not to go after the "good" thing, but please confirm Your will so that we will continue to go after the God thing. In Jesus name, the Christ--Amen.

Thursday, February 26, 2015


When me and my ex stopped praying together I knew we were in trouble. If you are reading this and you are married and not praying with your spouse, let's just say it's not good. If you are planning to get married, please start praying now. I thought I could stand in the gap and intercede for our family hoping it would turn the situation around. The truth of the matter is a wife needs a covering. Sure God covers us as His children, but when a couple marries in Christ there are roles to fulfill. The husband is commanded to love his wife as Christ loves the Church and be willing to die for her. The wife is commanded to reference and respect her husband. But if the husband is not leading and daily covering his family in prayer the wife will assume the position and get beat up in every way. If there are children involved, they will suffer too. As the wife assumes the husband's role she will not only experience sever pain, but it is very tiring to carry the weight. I have been there and it hurts deeply when a Christian husband decides not to be the priest of his home. Through the process of being married and now divorced, I understand that the foundation of intimacy is created through prayer. Date nights are fun, making love is great, but once a Christian couple stops praying together "true" intimacy is lost. Praying separately is always a plus, but when you pray together as a couple, speaking the word of God over one another, it creates a united front in the spirit realm. This closeness will keep you in harmony and at peace with one another. You will find even in disagreements, the Holy Spirit will urge someone or both of you to either apologize or simply yield to the other. I believe couples should pray together every day no matter what they're going through. It may sound extreme but there is a real battle going on to divide households. There is a scripture in the Book of Ephesians 4 that says, "Do not let the sun go down on your anger". In other words before you go to bed with your spouse always kiss and makeup. Let your mate know you love them and want to allow God to be the final authority on the situation. Pray over it together. We have to make sure the air is clear before we close our eyes.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Sexual Sin

I have been watching this show 19 Kids and Counting. They are a Christian family but what is interesting is the young adults who are at dating age cannot go out on a date without a chaperon-- to avoid inappropriate touching and premarital sex. Honestly, I could not believe my eyes. This was unheard of in my day and even now but it protects them emotionally and spiritually, which is a great thing! Sexual sin is one of the biggest strongholds in the Body of Christ yet we refuse to talk about it.... Many Believers are hitting the strip clubs on the low, viewing live nude webcam, masturbating, having sex outside of marriage, and in same sex relationships etc. This is not to judge anyone, it is to clarify the will of the Lord. The Bible says, "Be ye holy for I am holy!" 1 Peter 1:16. Being holy means we are dedicated and consecrated to God. If we love God we will keep His commandments and do what He asks of us which is to abstain from sexual relations until marriage. I am not putting this out there to point the finger, it is to encourage all of us, single and married alike. The struggle is real and there is a real battle for our souls. Sex is one of the BIGGEST strongholds and has many Christians in bondage because they feel like they cannot stop having sex! We all know sex is a great thing! It was designed by God for two people who love each other to enjoy in the context of marriage. Once we decide to do our own thing...we invite the consequences of sin into our lives, which is death in one form or another. I have struggled in this area on and off since I was a child of abuse and even after becoming a Christian. It hurts deeply when you desire to be intimate with someone you love and it's not time. I have cried because of loneliness and the desire in my flesh to be held and wanting to take matters into my own hands and resisted those feelings. It's not easy. I know first hand,but with God all things are possible. The other side is I believe we are created with an innate desire for companionship, but it has to be in God's will if we are believers and followers of Christ. My former Pastor said, "Sinners sin! Why are we surprised at what they are doing?" But, if you are a born again Christian who is having sex and unmarried... it's sin, period. If you are self pleasing with toys and such, watching porn to assist...repent, go to God in humility and ask Him to cleanse your mind, spirit and help you to abstain from sex. Wait on the mate He has for you. He will make a way of escape but we have to yield our members to Him and He will help us.

Saturday, February 14, 2015

No More to Give

I am one of those people who will use shower gel until it is completely gone from the bottle. I will hit it against my sponge or towel. I will stand it upside down to make sure everything has run down to the opening. Once it's gone, I may even run a little bit of water into the container, swish it around and then pour it on to the towel to bathe. When I hit the shower gel bottle on to the towel today, I repeated the motion over and over trying to get every drop. The Holy Spirit said, "Sometimes, we try to pull something from a relationship that has run dry". We talk and talk...think and think about how to do things differently, when it's time to lay this relationship down and move on. The person has nothing more to give you and you have nothing left for the person. Facing that reality is hard for most people. You have been together several years, somewhat comfortable, but not productive. There is no challenge, excitement or purpose...but God wants us moving forward. If the relationship no longer works and you have tried everything to make it work, it's time to move on. Just like it was time to buy another bottle of shower gel, change means taking action. Father in the name of Jesus, God, help us to know when to walk away from relationships that no longer have the capacity for us. Help us Father to not spend our wheels attempting to revive something that is dead and dry...Let us truly understand when it's time to move on Lord. Life is short and we want your best... In Jesus, name. Amen.

Over Estimating a Relationship

There was this guy I use to be so attracted to. He was a leader in church and had a great job. We were introduced by a mutual friend and had good times. We traveled together and attended holiday events. He was everything I wanted; professional, educated, real estate owner, leader in ministry and work. I was smitten by the idea of him…and he had style. Being with him was inspiring. God blessed me to be able to buy property and finish college because of what I learned from him. But at the time when we were together, I wasn’t ready. I was so jealous and insecure. To the point he could not have any friends without me knowing them and if he went some place without me, I felt completely left out. At the end of the day-- I realized, I wanted his world to be all about me and it wasn’t. He had friends before I came along and I was threatened by his closeness with other people. I remember on his birthday, we were in Catalina and he had done something that hurt my feelings. Over dinner, I brought up the situation and he asked me if we could discuss it another time because he did not want to ruin his birthday dinner. I agreed. After I thought about it, I did not even consider his birthday dinner being ruined. I just thought about how I felt and getting it out in the open. He called me to the carpet several times with regards to how I conducted myself. He was on point every time and I needed to be confronted. During the course of our relationship, I invited him to a dinner I had organized from my mom. I paid for everything and lavished her with gifts. The next day over breakfast, he asked me why I overcompensated in the relationship with my mom vs just having a regular relationship with her. I knew our relationship had suffered some, but had not realized that I was trying to buy her love. It was true. I was incapable of building a relationship. There was so many hurt feelings that I felt compelled to buy gifts instead of addressing the pain. I cried for hours. It was like a water balloon had been popped with a pin. I simply laid on his chest and cried myself to sleep. The truth hurts sometimes, but God wants us to know we can grow from it. I wanted this relationship to grow in to marriage, but it was only in place to teach me a few things. Towards the end, I had a dream of this same guy “pulling the rug” from under my feet and I lost my balance. God was showing me something…yes there was something to learn in the relationship, but when the season has ended and we stay involved, we can end up hurt. I overestimated the purpose and plan of our meeting. Just because someone of the opposite sex comes into our lives and may have many qualities we admire, we assume it is for a romantic relationship, when it’s to teach us a valuable lesson about life. Needless to say, he broke it off with me. It hurt like crazy, but I praise God for those “teachable moments” I carry along with me even today…thirteen years later.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Let Him Do It!

Late last year, the Lord started ministering to my heart. In November, He started in on my emotional baggage and said I could not carry any of it into the new year. I did not realize all that I was carrying and dealing with. It's almost like when I started wearing my natural hair. I truly did not know what to do with it. I was afraid of it. The same for my emotions. They were all over the place for different reasons and I did not want to deal with them. So, I did one of those "lay it on the altar" things. I took fear, anger, depression, anxiety, frustration, procrastination and a host of other things and laid it on the altar...I wiped my hands clean and went on. "I'm free!" I exclaimed. Not knowing my lovely Pastor would give the word for 2015...Confrontation and then Pursue or Perish, Recover and Restore.....God began confronting every area of my heart...The things that I never owned up to anyone. Like, why I had no respect for male authority and why I was codependent...I never wanted to fess up to needing to be validated by men. I never wanted to admit to the insecurities and over compensating in my relationships for approval. I never wanted to admit the fact that I was extremely stubborn, demanding and always wanted to be right. I did not want to deal with the thought that I had not forgiven myself for the babies I murdered through abortion...and now God was beginning to bring me over to the area of pain to face it and give it to Him, for real, for real. I was afraid and did not want to face the truth of who and what I had become. I had to face the reality that I was still dealing with anger on so many levels...and fear, which means love had not been perfected in my heart. Sure, God had done a work in me, but not to the point of wholeness. I made up my mind to yield to the process. I made a running list of my issues during our church's fast. I disconnected from Facebook and focused on what was going on behind the mask. I sat in my prayer closet and consulted with the Holy Spirit over each issue. I had to find the gate-- the seed of not having any respect for men. It started with my dad. I love him, but did not respect him because of the choices he made in life. This deep seeded animosity spilled over into my other relationships I was angry and had to face it. It was deep down in my soul and had to be pulled up from the root. Just imagine pulling up a 35 yr old tree by the root...it requires work. I had to forgive him truly and began to honor him in whatever way God led me....Not just him but all authority in my life, from my parents to my spiritual parents...showing honor is honorable. I faced one issue at a time and each one brought lots of tears and gut wrenching pain up and out of my heart...Since then, I have only been pursuing God because I want to be whole and hurt people, hurt people. I will write a part 2 to this....

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Saying No to Compromise

I had a dream last night. I was riding in a limousine with Jamie Foxx and other celebs. We were riding through Hollywood Hills and Jamie was voicing his concern about another celeb's home being bigger than his. I encouraged him that his house was enough, be happy. As he shared with me, he started to give me goo-goo eyes, and looking at my lips as if he wanted to kiss me. When I looked at his lips, they were nice and supple. I felt it, and I wanted to kiss him, but I knew him and I were not in a relationship and kissing him would open a can of worms that I did not want opened. My gut wanted to please Jaime and please myself, but instead, I gave him a nice appropriate hug and it turned out fine. It is easy to begin to compromise our values when we are around people who are rich. Jesus met up with different people yet he never compromised who He was. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 5:21 "For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ." God can truly use us when we maintain who and what he has called us to be in every environment we may go in to. I was tempted to try and fit in but I knew it would only be a temporary situation. Compromise is great when two people are moving in the same direction with understanding.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

What Divorce Taught Me

This is the time when I should be the most transparent, but some parts of me just does not want to let go. Does that mean it's not time for me to share? Probably not...it's just me wanting to stay in my comfort zone. Welp here goes...I was with my ex for 11 years total, 9 years married. Honestly, the decline started happening 3 months after we married. We had a great courtship and fell off track. Looking back, I can say truthfully say we failed because we failed to plan. We had no idea what the other person wanted out of life. We had no purpose for being married. We only knew we loved one another, deeply and passionately. Somehow in the shuffle, we managed to have 2 lovely daughters, file for bankruptcy,loss a car, house, his dad passed, we moved 5 times and one of our daughters had 9 surgeries and she is 6 years old. All of this during the course of our 9 year marriage. We both changed, not the for best either. In 2013, things began to get really hard and messy. I felt him pull away more...He no longer liked me...and I felt like I was constantly in a spiritual battle in my own house. I was miserable. I cried all the time. I was depressed, lonely even though married, over weight, and could not find my way out...I felt trapped like a caged animal...circling the cage. Divorce taught me I had failed myself. I allowed a bad marriage to govern my life. I no longer loved me. I was being controlled by "it". I stopped doing the very things that made me smile. I hid behind makeup, clothes, shoes and the biggest one RELIGION. I had a heart for God, but there was no move of God in my life because I was bound by problems, confusion and spiritual warfare. After he moved out...we were separated for 3 months. We both were able to catch our breath. Shortly after, we were back living under the same roof again. Somehow through the pain, God started healing my heart. We lived in a 1 bedroom apartment on top of each other. There was no where to run or hide. I attempted a few times to reason with him about maintaining our marriage, but he refused. There was no intimacy, just rejection. It hurt so bad-- on some days I did not know if I was coming or going. I would lock myself in the bathroom and cry...day after day. I felt like I was being punished, but God was truly teaching me how to live even in a hostile situation. God began to heal me. He gave me revelation, confirmation and love time after time. He placed prophets in my life to walk with me and give me an encouraging word. He carried me all the way through. Now, I am working on loving myself and being the me God has created me to be.

Friday, February 6, 2015

Common Sense

This just hit me today. Common sense does not apply when you are walking by faith. Think about it. Peter stepped outside of the boat in the book of Matthew and walked on the water towards Jesus. His common sense said there is wind and waves coming against me and I am afraid...but his faith said to walk towards Jesus. Let's look at Moses. In the Book of Exodus, we learn that Moses had a stuttering problem. Common sense could have said to focus on the problem of not speaking well, but faith said speak and lead the people. There is one more example I want to mention. The walls of Jericho. After the army had marched around seven days, the walls came tumbling down. Common sense would say, one day is enough...faith says let's push it out until we reach the seven days as God commanded. Sometimes faith does not make sense in our minds, but if God said it that settles it. Our common sense reasons God out. We cannot begin to understand why God does what He does. The Bible says in Isaiah 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. This is a powerful statement because it let's us know how big our God is and how small we are in comparison to Him. This is for somebody reading this today. You are wondering how God is going to work this situation out? You are wondering how the pieces will eventually fit together? Common sense says it will never work. But faith says all things are possible to those who believe. Don't worry about the details. Seek the Lord. Ask Him to order your steps and I believe He will.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Getting the Stains out...

So funny....A pair of my favorite pants ended up with olive oil stains on them. I was so frustrated because I adored these pants. I washed them...and after looking them over, the stains were still there. But, I liked these pants so much I wore them with the stains. As I walked, I noticed this guy look right down to my stains...I kept walking, and thinking, "So, what! And yes there are two of them!" After that, I decided to treat the stains before washing them. I threw them in the laundry and once I pulled them out and looked them over, the stains were gone! Hallelujah. Life is like that sometimes. An unexpected thing happens in our lives that can leave stains in our hearts. People can see we are hurting and we go along as if all is well, but it's not and others are noticing. At some point we have to confront the situation. If we apply our faith, prayer and the word of God like I treated that stain, we will become free, clean and whole. Father in the name of Jesus the Christ, we thank you for being so awesome in our lives. Lord we our grateful that we can approach Your throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16). We want the stains in our hearts removed. You know all that we have been through and the burdens we are carrying...we give them to you now, in the name of Jesus the Christ. Thank you God for everything! Amen.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Bruised on the Outside

Today, I saw a banana in our fruit rack and it was black in some spots and bruised on the outside. I thought to myself, "It's probably bruised on the inside. I need to eat this one before it goes bad!" I quickly peeled it only to find out, it was perfect on the inside. No bruising, no discoloration. It was whole. The Holy Spirit began to deal with me and said, "Yes you have been beat up on the outside, and yes you have been bruised, but you are still all together on the inside!" I began to praise God because like most of us, my life has been full of challenges and bad decisions....more than I am willing to admit to anyone. God said, I am still all together....that ministered to my heart
because some people don't recover from traumatic trials. But I did and you did! The God we serve is a deliverer and a way maker. I love Him. Father, I thank you for making a way out of no way. I thank you for delivering me from every trial, every heart break and every demonic attack. I love you Lord and praise You for who You are and for ALL that you do. In Jesus name, the Christ. Amen.