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Atlanta, GA, United States
In this season, I will be sharing my heart.

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Over Estimating a Relationship

There was this guy I use to be so attracted to. He was a leader in church and had a great job. We were introduced by a mutual friend and had good times. We traveled together and attended holiday events. He was everything I wanted; professional, educated, real estate owner, leader in ministry and work. I was smitten by the idea of him…and he had style. Being with him was inspiring. God blessed me to be able to buy property and finish college because of what I learned from him. But at the time when we were together, I wasn’t ready. I was so jealous and insecure. To the point he could not have any friends without me knowing them and if he went some place without me, I felt completely left out. At the end of the day-- I realized, I wanted his world to be all about me and it wasn’t. He had friends before I came along and I was threatened by his closeness with other people. I remember on his birthday, we were in Catalina and he had done something that hurt my feelings. Over dinner, I brought up the situation and he asked me if we could discuss it another time because he did not want to ruin his birthday dinner. I agreed. After I thought about it, I did not even consider his birthday dinner being ruined. I just thought about how I felt and getting it out in the open. He called me to the carpet several times with regards to how I conducted myself. He was on point every time and I needed to be confronted. During the course of our relationship, I invited him to a dinner I had organized from my mom. I paid for everything and lavished her with gifts. The next day over breakfast, he asked me why I overcompensated in the relationship with my mom vs just having a regular relationship with her. I knew our relationship had suffered some, but had not realized that I was trying to buy her love. It was true. I was incapable of building a relationship. There was so many hurt feelings that I felt compelled to buy gifts instead of addressing the pain. I cried for hours. It was like a water balloon had been popped with a pin. I simply laid on his chest and cried myself to sleep. The truth hurts sometimes, but God wants us to know we can grow from it. I wanted this relationship to grow in to marriage, but it was only in place to teach me a few things. Towards the end, I had a dream of this same guy “pulling the rug” from under my feet and I lost my balance. God was showing me something…yes there was something to learn in the relationship, but when the season has ended and we stay involved, we can end up hurt. I overestimated the purpose and plan of our meeting. Just because someone of the opposite sex comes into our lives and may have many qualities we admire, we assume it is for a romantic relationship, when it’s to teach us a valuable lesson about life. Needless to say, he broke it off with me. It hurt like crazy, but I praise God for those “teachable moments” I carry along with me even today…thirteen years later.

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